Lígia Scalise (/)
When she saw me in the motel bed, I felt like the worst woman. Leuda, my mistress, was in shock. I could feel the pain in his eyes. I wanted to escape, but I had nowhere: we were caught. Me, the employee and confidante, with José, her husband. End of farce.
At the time, José stayed by my side. “Enough, Leuda. Get out of my life, go to hell and leave us alone ”. She listened to him quietly, seven months pregnant.
José took me home and asked for a few hours to put an end to the wedding. He swore love to me and said we would be happy. As always, I believed. But this time was different. He didn’t come back.
I’m flesh and blood and I fell into temptation
I was hired by Leuda to work as an administrative secretary at her school in August 2007. We built a relationship of trust and friendship there. We had affinities.
All this approach brought José, her husband, to my daily life. He didn’t work at school, but he was always there. With two months of work, he started hitting on me. He kissed my hand, winks. I avoided, ignored and turned my face many times, for three months. But I am flesh and blood and I fell into temptation.
It was all just an adventure, until I fell in love. ”Waits for me on the school street, a few blocks back. I’ll get you ”, was the usual deal. We left for the first time in February 2008. From then on, we did something almost every day: motel, cinema, bar … We even went to their beach house.
I felt happy beside him. We looked like a couple of lovers in love. José was also happy, he didn’t even seem to have a wife.
I was already celebrating the sixth month with José when we went through the first race. We were on our way to the motel when I saw Leuda’s car behind us. I told José, but he thought it was in my head. Was not. She went into the motel and set up the scandal: she screamed, kicked and demanded explanations. I was terrified! The luck is that he managed to divert her attention while I got in the car. We ran away and went to my house.
”I took my husband with another woman. I’m super nervous, but I don’t know who she is, ”Leuda told me the next day. It looked like a soap opera scene, imagine my face! She did not deserve this disappointment, especially since she was pregnant. But what was I going to do? If I told the truth I would lose everything: the romance, the friend and the job. And if I kept quiet, everything would remain the same. I opted for the second alternative. I know I was a coward.
After the first scare, she asked a friend who worked at the motel to let her know if José’s car returned there. Then, in a month and a half, the bust came up. I lost my job and my lover. José left me with little explanation, given by phone. He was not a man to look me in the eye. I screwed up and took the blame on my own. He paid in repentance and stayed with his wife.
It was tough. I found out that I was also pregnant with him. When I told him, I heard: “I am not the father. Turn around. Do what you want, but don’t count on me ”. I felt like trash, something he used and threw away. And the worst thing is that I was unable to carry on with the pregnancy, as I already have a 12 year old daughter raised by me with the help of my mother.
Only I know how difficult it was to make the decision to abort. I was alone and silent. I didn’t even do the mandatory safeguard after the abortion, afraid of someone suspicious. I felt uncontrollable pain, I was in danger of dying, but I kept silent. I felt José’s hatred, Leuda’s envy and disgust with me.
All of this pain created a deep depression. For almost a year I didn’t smile. I was stuck in the house, crying hidden. Unemployed, I hit rock bottom. That agonizing scene of the act did not leave my head. I thought of José and our false love, the son I didn’t have, the daughter I already had and Leuda’s pain. Then, repentance hit. The biggest and strongest I could be able to feel.
When the dust settled four months later, I went to my ex-boss to ask for forgiveness. It was from the heart. She received me in a few words. “My daughter, it’s okay, I swear. Go on with your life, I’ll follow mine ”. That was all. Honestly, I think she will never forgive me, but I understand. I didn’t even forgive myself.
I learned that, with a married man, never again! I also decided to seek true love. What I had with José was never love. It was something …
Today, a year and a half later, I overcame depression. Sometimes sadness hits, but I chose to raise my head and move on. And my life, little by little, is getting back on track. I found a job and a boyfriend. This time, a nice guy, single and willing to build a life with me. I hope that one day I will still be able to lay my head on the pillow and sleep in peace.
José Rocha, 30, maintenance technician, Kleissiane’s lover
”I got involved with Kleissiane hastily. At the time, my marriage was in crisis and I felt alone. There are no culprits, but Leuda, my wife, made it easy. She was pregnant, sick and did not pay attention to me. I was attracted to Kleissiane and found her good company. I only got real when Leuda caught us. I realized that my life and my marriage were at stake and I chose my wife. We also made a deal: we left this story buried in the past. We prefer to live like this, day after day. I know I made a mistake and I regret cheating. I have already asked for forgiveness and I try to be a good husband. And about Kleissiane, I don’t know anything else. Each went to his corner. She was a mistake in my life. ”
Leuda Rocha, 35, administrator, the betrayed
”The betrayal took me by surprise. I already suspected José, but Kleissiane never. I wonder how they managed to face me every day, listen to my regrets, see my pain … It is very cold blooded! When I found out, I had no other option: I expelled Kleissiane from work and my life. And I gave José a second chance. He was really sorry. I had my share of guilt in this story, but nothing justifies a betrayal. They were cowardly and dishonest and I don’t buy that! I heard that Kleissiane lost a baby and also went through bad times. I’m sorry and I wish her no harm. In fact, I don’t feel any hatred for her. In fact, I feel a kind of pity that she did not take advantage of the chance I gave her to have a decent life. Did I forgive them? Neither yes nor no. I feel indifference to her and compassion for him. I know that life charges for everything we do, and their bill will surely be high. I have a light conscience. ”